Crackle ... "... on final approach" crackle ... "Roger, Charlie Niner ... you're breaking up, over?"
It wasn't until yesterday while I was leaning against the hummingbird feeder post that I realized what might have been irritating my cell phone communication with the outside world. I found myself there trying to determine if the dogs were barking at anything of genuine substance. A hummingbird dove in to hover a few inches away from my hand to grab a slurp of sugar water and was immediately strafed by a far more aggressive member of his own kind. I watched the aggressor fly back to his vigil on ... MY cell phone antenna! MY, MY, MY antenna, NOT his!
The "Doh!" moment hit, a nostalgic flashback back to the TV industry's standard screen saver of the 60s for transmission difficulty ... birds sitting on an antenna! We had bought and installed this big rig antenna on the roof of the Rat to aid my cheesy default package cell phone. This phone had always been 'iffy', even with the construction of a closer cell tower up on top by Slim's ranch but the antenna had worked well in the winter months. By late Spring, I could count on conducting undecipherable conversations on a regular basis. It didn't make any sense. Not until today.
Apparently the sensitivity and signal loss of this antenna is such that, when we asked about buying coaxial to extend its reach further back into the Rat, the answer was a resounding "No, can't do it!" Accordingly, I spent any subsequent cell time tethered to the antenna at the desk in the front of the Rat. Lately, even that wasn't enough to stop the break-up of signal. Doh! This had corresponded with the return of the hummingbirds! Thankfully, this revelation does not make me feel any more compelled to absorb mindless girly chatter about bimbos whom I have never met while my buttocks, arms and mind fall asleep, a torture visited upon me by previous female acquaintances. For future calls of genuine importance, however, I now know that I can run out to the porch and throw cow chips at those perching bullies when the signal breaks up.
-----------------------------------------------------------
June: A couple of antennae decided to get married. The wedding was so-so but the reception was fabulous!
14 comments:
LIn: Why would you because so UNKIND to through things at your dear little hummers. You invited them with the feeder.You need to walk to the top of the butte for better reception. ROFL
Alphonse,
I put up the feeder to watch the cute and benign ones. Just as with people though, I think I enjoy the thought of whacking the grabby, greedy agendists with cow pies or the flyswatter. Call it transference perhaps.
Silly woman, yer gonna toss a chip up there and knock the antenna down, and then you'll really be bummin'. Just put one of those fake hawk decoy things up on the roof and they'll split... Or get a BB gun. Poor little things. I get a lot of them in the summer months going after the buganvilia (I think that's what it is).
FHB,
I know, I know ... and you're absolutely right - I will end up knocking the antenna down. But, ya know, the thought of clouting some aggressive little lout with a cow pie somehow seems worth having to get my butt back up on the roof to fix the antenna. Only wish it was that easy with the people who shafted us on the way out of civilization.
Hi Lin,
Been a busy coupla days, but I'm back to revel in your writing.
Will be posting a reply to one of your queries later today. Specially dedicated to you!
Yes, loved the antennae story. Apparently the guests were really wired.
Cheers
David
Oh-oh-oh! - can't wait to see your specially dedicated reply!
Delighted that my ever-inspiring king of wit loved the antennae story. Yes, the attendees were certainly a group of live wires just waiting for the right signal. When it came, they all perked up their rabbit ears!
Groan. Hi lin. Groan. Don't knock down your attenna. Groan. Married antennae. Groan.
I've tried to warn you about those infernal things you use. The whatcha callits, uh, um, cellular telephones. I've honestly tried to use Wild Thing's a coupla times. But my phingers are way too phat. I have yet to dial a number correctly. My advice? Get a phone. And I'm pretty sure you'll have to pay for at least one telephone pole, too. Hehehehe.
Catmoves,
Do this mean that you are back home now?!? DaMoose and I sure have been missing you and your posts!
Oh, how I would love a hard-wired phone with rotary dial holes so big that you could use a highlighter pen to dial out. The nearest phone line is five miles away. We'd have to deforest the place to scrounge up that many telephone poles. Sigh, sigh, sigh.
I thought at first you were gonna tell me that was a hummingbird on your antenna! If it is, it must be a different "brand" than I have here, mine are rainbow-colored, and "thumb-size"!
Bruno,
We do have several very different looking hummingbird species here. I think this fella is called a "Lucifer". He has the green back but the front looks pretty mundane until the sun catches his neck just right - then it glows a wild shade of purple. You can just see a hint of that purple in the enlarged photo. We had a few ruby-throats stop by but not many. The Rufus will blow you away when the sun hits his orange feathers (these are the really aggressive ones).
Oh my, those decoy hawks sure have a lot going for them. I'm with you on endless silly chatter - I can't be done with it. I've binned my cell-phone, and leave the answer phone to screen my land line calls (yeah,alright I admit to it, I'm just plain old anti-social)!
Shrink,
I haven't had a lot of success with decoy/scarecrow owls in the past since they don't move. The pigeons eventually even roosted on their heads and crapped all over them!
So you're not a blabby chatty either? No wonder we get along! But be careful using the word 'anti-social', the term appears to be replacing the old word 'sociopath'. While my friends tend towards being dismayed by the direction and behavior of society and care not to indulge in it, they are anything but sociopaths.
It's amazing what little tyrants hummingbirds can be! I love their brilliant finery and their swishy, sassy attitude!
Phlegmmy,
I've definitely established a solid love/hate relationship with the little guys. Then again, I guess I can say that about a lot of people groupings I have encountered.
Post a Comment