Monday, May 18, 2009

The Gathering

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I had already titled and loaded the photos for this next post when I received word that I had lost a special old friend to cancer. I have not suffered well the loss of precious old allies in this new millennium and my thoughts and writing reflect that troubling sorrow too well this time so please forgive any typos and disjointed thoughts from my deep distractions of the last week. I decided to leave the title as it was and add my recent loss to "The Gathering".
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May was always a bittersweet time of sudden activity out at the ranch. It was a time of fresh life bursting out in new greens and bright colors but also a time for the Colorado cowboys to wrap up their winter graze and head home. By June, the canyons and mesa tops would be empty of cattle and their rowdy, adorable caretakers and then remain deafeningly void of that delightful cowboy mischief until their eventual return with the first signs of early winter.
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So, this time last year, Terry and I headed 'up top' to meet up with Slim and a rep from a gas drilling corporation. We would take a hard right at the foot of this mesa after leaving our place and continue on some eight miles or more before arriving at Slim's place. He was either our second or third closest neighbor, depending on what roads you took. If you counted in the adjoining property lines, I suppose he was our second closest. Today would be a smooth ride up to the top; no mud bogs and the deep sands on the hill climb section were unusually agreeable to traction. The sun was hot on our arms that rested on the truck doors as breezes wisped up tiny dust rodeos around us - it was one of those many ranch days that filled us with easy and deep contentment.
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Slim's cattle dotted the fields of both our ranches and the driving was slower now due to the arrival of frisky new calves who might get a wild and exuberant hair to leap out into the road, all just for young calf grins. The anti-neighbor's ranch matron mother had warned me repeatedly that the bull calves were the dumbest and most foolhardy when it came to such things.
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While Mama Cow might be traffic wise, you don't count on her calf or the ones she might be babysitting to behave.
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This little calf had just burst from the sage and dashed across the road in front of us to join its mother. It could have easily been road kill with such a stunt and, every year, some are lost to such traffic mishaps. The gas field is probably 98% of the vehicle traffic out there and, except for the odd idiot, they do a great job of avoiding collisions with livestock. Beyond such vigilance, the pumpers (the fellas charged with the regular well maintenance) usually go the extra mile and alert the rancher to any problems they see, such as a cow bogged down in waterhole mud or caught in a cattle guard. Of course, that fine relationship depends on neither the pumper or the rancher being a jerk.
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Here is gas company rep Mike meeting with Slim. Terry and I both enjoyed dealing with Mike since he was an engineer by original trade even though he was performing the much reviled task of playing 'land agent' here. A 'land agent' is the guy who is supposed to grab your surface land into perpetuity for as little as possible. That company had bought out an outfit which had abused us shamelessly before we were able to get down there and become acquainted with price realities. Mike entered the picture later and I loved to watch him and Terry, two highly intelligent Dilberts, enjoying a fine game of cat and mouse. They each had a fine, dry sense of humor and kept the proceedings ever civil and gentlemanly.
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While Terry and Mike were using Mike's tailgate as a desk in the foreground, Slim got on to more serious cowboy matters. Here is a Colorado camera crew recording scenes from the cattle gathering. If the series ever shows up on TV, I will certainly let you know. You just won't see me in any of it. When I did an obvious duck and cover from the cameraman, Slim exclaimed "Ah-hah! I knew it! Why else would anyone live out here in the middle of nowhere ... you're in some kinda witness protection program, ain't ya?!!" Well, that got me to laughing. I guess it would seem odd to most folks that I really dislike having my picture taken and that I don't like having neighbors close enough to see them from the front porch or even in a five minute drive. Terry loved that seclusion as well and a big part of our spirits are still out there.
.After a winter of having the range to themselves, some of the horses were not keen to get back into the whole cattle work scene. Here is one of Slim's horses expressing contempt at being saddled up again after a long season off. He's heading for the secret critter escape trail up the mesa wall from Slim's fenced compound.

The gathering will continue on through that week. Slim's friends and family will help him gather in the cattle from the far reaches of the grazing lands, corralling them in for the next phase - the roundup weekend when all the new calves will be branded, counted and prepared for the big ride back up North for the summer. It will be the time when a rancher can get a first glimpse of whether he will be running in the black or the red, if his cowboy passions pay off that year.

Next post - the branding party.
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An Old Friend Gathered In
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Before pulling down the driveway for the last time as we headed off to New Mexico, I checked the mailbox one last time. I retrieved a small box and hastily put it under the seat in my Dakota. It would remain there until we could settle into the Rat trailer a month later.

When I opened the package, I beamed with a chill of delight. Two small jars stated that they were from "Bob's Kitchen", the line below further announcing that they were "handcrafted by Bob Sinclair". On his last visit, shortly before we made the big move, he said that he would send us a little something that he had made and here they were in the fruity flesh, two glass jars promising a tangy joy within. Terry laughed as I stowed them away on the new pantry shelves he had just finished building. "Saving them for the Queen's visit, are you?" He knew me so well, that boy did. As my grandmother and mother before me, there were just some things which were too precious to consign to the mundane. I had many such things that we so regrettably never got to enjoy; rather, they disappeared down the driveway of the old life with acquaintances when the moving van supposedly ran out of space. These precious jars had survived only by fate of timing and they would be the start of my comforting new 'save for best' collection.
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Since the first week in May, I had watched this borrowed television set with dread. The graphic news coverage of the Santa Barbara fires brought horrid thoughts and worries with it; I had an old friend out there, one who was battling cancer.

Being the fighter he was, he had surpassed the original due date offered by the specialists by over two years already. But it became apparent in the e-mails of the last two months that he was slowly losing the fight when the cancer started to metastasize to other regions. It had attacked his brain with that stunning 165 IQ and my heart knotted up in sorrow as his once meticulous written English started to decline in recent messages. I wanted to scream and pound the ground with outrage at this sadistic, unjust turn of fate.

I e-mailed both Bob and his wife, Anne, with my concerns but I held the dreaded suspicion that only Anne would reply this time. I waited and worried and the reports of the raging fires taunted me with every new report. My heart ached in agony for Bob and I imagined dear Anne dealing with so many losses at once. Then I got an e-mail reply from Anne last week which started off with "It is with a heavy heart that .... ". The fire had started just one road over from their house and Bob had to be evacuated to a hospice facility for his last days; he didn't even get the chance to remain at home, surrounded by his family, his border collies, his native fish collections or his garage full of vehicles he enjoyed so much.
Damn this mortal realm, damn it all to Hell anyway. Yes, I have anger issues with life and fate right now - psycho-babble sound bites of the moment be damned - deeply do I live, feel, care and hurt over others. I will painfully miss genuine old allies when they depart. I care not to change that ever.
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Here are a couple of photos that Bob had shared with us over the years.
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This is Bob and Anne at a Saab Rally in New Zealand a few years ago. He was such a dedicated auto enthusiast that they popped up all over the world to join other like-minded souls.
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Here is Bob on the East coast, picking up his last two-wheeled acquisition before riding it back to California. His passion for riding and driving had him crossing the continent several times a year as much for the pleasure of each road mile as for any destination itself. He told me about driving his 360GT across the country and back and how it got sand-blasted in a freak New Mexico sand storm on the way home, playfully adding that he now called it his 'Ferrari beater'.

If you enjoy reading about amazing people, please try this link which I hope will remain active for some time to come:
Legendary Saab exec Bob Sinclair dies: AutoWeek Magazine

This is one article where even the comments are worth reading through for more insights.

On his last visit, he kept us spellbound with stories of his adventures and years in the auto trade. Despite my best badgering attempts, he would not consign his incredible memoirs to paper and I consider this as an incredible loss to us all. Now, Anne, I will tattle on Bob and I know that his devilish humor will have him chuckling at the very idea; we happened to have an unopened bottle of Courvoisier around and cracked it open that night. Terry grinned and whispered that the visit from the Queen had finally arrived as I quietly handed him the dusty bottle from the cabinet. Although he protested at first, Bob would impishly sneak back to the kitchen later for a little refill with that naughty cat-like grin. The tales got even more spell-binding and I think he slept very well that night before his planned 800 mile ride the next day.
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Last weekend, a rummage through the refrigerator had that last jar of Bob's preserves pop into view and I picked it up and cupped it in my hands like a gold chalice as I thought about the events of the last weeks, of the last few years and of the last 30 years. I reflected sadly "It's just time, isn't it, old friend?" as I reverently emptied the last of the precious contents onto some beautiful sesame seed Italian bread toasted. I had saved it for the best of best reasons. God luv ya, Bob, and thank you for remaining a keenly astute, faithful and understanding long term friend, even after Terry left us. Not all did.

But I will leave you with a bit of good news here. Despite their home sitting in the birthplace of the fires, it survived. I had to thank God profusely for sparing Anne yet another heartbreaking upset to deal with.

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And I will now pass along a so timely bit of sentiment that I just received from my old friend, Moose in Alberta, here. This is belatedly for Bob and also for my true friends that remain. God bless you all, especially in this interesting year ahead.




There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore ...
And who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past; there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. Give these flowers to everyone you don't want to lose in
2009, including me, if that's what is in your heart.
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23 comments:

Anonymous said...

So very sorry to hear of the death of one of your friends. The one comfort we have is holding on to the many memories we have that can bring a smile to our face as we take time to reflect on our lives and the impact they had on us and the physical rememberances (the preserves) that, even as you taste them, can help you reflect on that long wonderful friendship.
Thank you again for sharing photos that bring your life visible to us so we can also reflect on the enjoyment you and Terry had with friends and experiences. It helps us to have memories of the life you and Terry shared when we couldn't visit. That's one reason we so enjoy the blog - it gives us insight to why you moved and the adventures you both experienced along the way.
Love always,
Sue

Lin said...

Sue, it might have been a ranch neighbor who got me into blogging but it was you two along with my sister who kept me blogging via private e-mails. I thank you all deeply for your ongoing positive encouragements - it is helping me overcome a heartless comment from a formerly trusted person about the blog that nearly took that last little comfort of writing away from me.

Virgil and his family stayed over this weekend and started the healing of emotionally devastating incidents since arriving here. I guess God hasn't forsaken me after all ... I was beginning to wonder. Maybe sharing our stories and adventures is not at an end either, not if our gas field angels have anything to do with it.

ancient one said...

Sorry to hear of your friend's passing. I know how that hurts. Still you have beautiful, wonderful memories of him. I loved this post. The beginning especially with the pictures of the cows and cowboys. I never "save" things for the Queene or the President anymore... I enjoy them right away...(I'm OLD!)

Lin said...

Thanks for your kindness, A1.

You'll get to see even better photos of the cows and cowboys in the next post.

I don't blame you for not saving things for best any more. If I had a lick of sense about me, I wouldn't either, especially after hearing that wonderful line: "I'm so old that I don't buy green bananas any more!" Maybe we all need to start thinking more like that this year, the earlier the better and regardless of age.

DBA Dude said...

Great post Lin, sad to read of another loss but at least Bob had a great life and got the max out of it.

That is one very cool motorcycle - not very suitable for ranch roads though.

Keep posting at your own pace and I hope that the house is coming together and that you are now living in a puppy free zone!

Anonymous said...

Lin, a beautiful blog and a very touching memoir to a beloved friend. I certainly hope his wife appreciates what a great relationship her husband shared and created with dear friends. Much like Terry, as we reflect on both he and Bob, they both were able to enjoy very active and satisfying lives, which is truly something not everyone is able to do. There is such great value in that. It doesn't make up for the loss, true, but know that they were able to be happy doing what they most enjoyed for many years.

Please keep the remembrances from your days on the ranch coming. We do very much enjoy them along with the photos that enhance the stories.

Love and thank you for sharing,

Judy

Lin said...

dba, it really has been a consolation that Bob wrung more from life than probably any three people I have ever known. He should have been the poster child for kicking butt in every way.

Bob never settled for popular, trendy cars and bikes. If he picked up a new vehicle, you knew you should pay attention to its merits.

Yesh, yesh - the house is coming along better now - in a quiet puppy-free zone even! Thank you for those continued good wishes!

Lin said...

Thanks, Judy, I know that Anne will still have the love and attention from their many, many lovely friends met along the way. They have also raised a family of great kids who have been right there on the scene for them through these most troubling times.

I will certainly try my best now to keep sharing our ranch memories as they come back to me. I know how much Terry meant to you both and how much that special boy loved you as well. Luv ya both, too! Lin

simon said...

I am sorry to read of your loss Lyn.

However I am cheered by the sight of the beautiful SAAB!

Lin said...

Simon, I know you would have been one to be absolutely enthralled by Bob's recollections as well. I wish we could have downloaded his memory (text and images files all) for posterity, for all gearheads like us.

Buck said...

Ah, what mixed emotions herein. Good to see you posting, good to read of the fond memories of the ranch, and good to hear that your friend Anne's home was spared. As for the latter, some of us would think there IS a god, after all.

The terrible news about your friend Bob is sad, indeed. Still... I'm sure you know that "a life well led..." MOST certainly applies. That he beat the odds and squeezed just that much more life out of the circumstances gives you some solace, hopefully. Still and even, it hurts so terribly when the best among us pass. My condolences.

FHB said...

So sorry about the loss. Try as we might, we can't escape the inevitable. Just have to live as well as we can. Sounds like your friend did.

Also loved reading about the ranch again. Keep that up.

Christina RN LMT said...

What a beautiful, moving tribute to your friend, Lin!
I feel a loss now in not having had the honor of meeting Bob in person, he sounds like a very special soul (much like YOU!)
Thank you for sharing.

Lin said...

Buck, I've seen so many great saves over time that I have no doubt about God and good guys existing. Same for the other end of the scale, too, though. I was so grateful that Anne didn't get the double whammy on this one.

When the really good ones leave, I grieve deeply over the large void they leave behind in this realm and wonder what polarity will fill in that space. There sure has been a lot of crud taking up the empty seats lately.

Lin said...

FHB, I know you just went through this in losing your dad. It truly sucks, doesn't it? I hope your mom is adjusting little by little, too.

It felt so good to wander back out to the ranch ... even if only in my writings. I definitely need to do that more often now so don't wander too far away, okay?

Lin said...

Christina, you would have enjoyed him, too. He had that 'just right' combo of authority, consideration and mischief. I think the dumbasses in Detroit could have learned a lot from his ways and from his enthusiasm.

grandmamargie said...

Oh, I enjoyed this post except for the loss of your friend. I'm sorry for you and his family. I'm glad their house was unharmed though. Keep posting, Lin. I think the writing will help the healing process.

Catmoves said...

Our condolences, Lin. And a BIG hug with our loving and caring arms. We did not have the pleasure of knowing Bob, but if he had your stamp of approval we know we'd have enjoyed his company. Keep your chin up nice lady.
We love you.

Lin said...

Thanks, GM, I was so relieved that their house was spared, like you wouldn't believe.

My blog writing took a serious dive after a comment from a formerly trusted person but Virgil helped offset it quite a bit during his visit. Prior to that comment, it really had been a wonderful tonic for healing so hopefully I can regain that outlet now. Thanks for the encouragement.

Lin said...

My ol' Cat, I sure appreciated those hugs. Bob was a rare treasure but don't go by my stamp of approval - sometimes it has to be withdrawn when the chips are down and reality bites. Luv you guys, too!

Gwen said...

So much loss, dear one. I'm so sorry. Mr. Sinclair was a great man, wasn't he? I told my husband, the car fanatic, about his passing and he sends condolences.

Lin said...

Thank you, Ginger. If your husband is a car fanatic, I know he would have loved to hear Bob's tales. Bob was a walking volume of irreplaceable auto history and insights. The saying that he had probably forgotten more than we might ever know was absolutely fitting. Please thank your husband for Anne and myself as well.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lin. I'm late for the gab fest. Again.

Love hearing about the cows, etc. I've recently read a couple of travel books by Bill Bryson. He can take the most ordinary slice of life and write it into a page turner. You have that same gift.

So sorry to read about your friend Bob, passing away. I like to think of lost loved ones as simply becoming invisible to most humans. Their spirits are always nearby. xxxx

PS I'll write soon. Having some of the usual troubles and difficulty getting my shit together.