Chaos, Rains Supreme

"If anything can go wrong, it will." ~ Murphy's Law ~

Keep this Law in mind as you read my account of our latest misadventures over the next few installments. Better still, I came across this following variation of Murphy's Law which is even more suitable, as you will eventually come to see:

"If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."

My sincerest apologies for suddenly disappearing without a trace. I truly, truly mean that. If you are reading about our off-the-grid adventures to get some idea of what you may face when you can finally forge your own similar dreams into reality, then I suppose this is a necessary thing for you to consider. I am no Pollyanna and could not, in good conscience, lead you into thinking that our peaceable kingdom is not without its severe trials. Is it still worth trying? Even after this period of abject misery, I cannot fathom any other place I would rather be. And, believe me, I have had much opportunity of late to give it serious thought.

I can document the beginning of this latest round of disasters precisely on August 2nd because I had just viewed the last blog comments to be vetted, got to the second one from my Atavist, let it through and was in the middle of a reply. Suddenly my computer crashed and the single light in the room started to scale up and down as though some toddler had gotten hold of the rheostat. Mark was in the same situation and we both baled out of the Rat like firemen on call to check on the generator. Not good. It sat there idling so low and jaggedly that it was rocking the entire metal shack like a master Sumo wrestler throwing a heavy 'march/stomp on the spot' tantrum. If you have been following our previous exploits, you already know the drill; kill Mr. Honda's brat, fall back and think (and oh so dread) a little. Then dust off your feelings of futility and despair and start with the logical things. Funny how logic and experience can evade you at some point in extremely high frustration so, being no fool, I always call Red. I am sure he is getting tired of lately only hearing from me when I am at my end of patience and sanity but he always comes through for me. Red is the kind of guy who remains cool under fire, even when his B-52 has just crashed in a rice paddy in very hostile territory. That's just the way he is - a blessing. My father swore by keeping a nanny goat in the stable with his thoroughbreds in case of fire. The nanny goat keeps its sensible head and leads the high-strung horses out of the flames to safety. I never forgot that as an analogy in relation to my own life. So the conversation goes like this; "Hello?" "R...e..d, ... it's L..i..n ..." "Uh-oh ... how's things goin'?" He already knows by the intro and the tone of my voice betraying a severe spike in blood pressure and so now I fill in the details. "You already know the procedures." "Yeah, I know but I am so frigging upset that I figure I will miss something so stunningly obvious ..." "Yeah, I know how that goes, so did ya check this, did you check that yet? And this?" "Check, check ... hmmm ... good point, we'll try that next, what else?" When you are a Type A hothead, there is no better blessing than to A) realize it and B) have a friend like Red to grab you by the back of your collar and settle you back down into some rational thinking.

Suddenly realizing that the gas nozzles of our fuel storage tanks had been sitting throat up in the monsoons like the fabled idiot turkeys looking up with mouths agape in deluges and drowning, we carefully siphoned all the potentially water-contaminated gas out of the generator. I dropped and emptied the carb float bowl next - still no improvement. While in the process of emptying the tank, I noticed a surprising amount of large particles in the tank, those which had mysteriously slipped passed the big nylon filter at the tank neck. By the time we were done looking for water and particle obstructions, I had completely dissected the carb and even blown it out by mouth (our cheesy little latter day 12V compressor was hardly worth engaging and someone had rolled away my decent amp grabber as a freebie before we moved). Still nothing. What I did notice, which confounded a Luddite like myself, was that the throttle was governed by some sort of electronic nubbins at the top of the carb. Now I was well out of my league. AFTER all that first line finagling, Mark called the Honda dealer. His response was both comforting and disturbing; "Nope, this sounds familiar, don't bother trying anything else - it sounds like the main electronic control unit has died." So ... it came down to the dreaded Black Box Death that puts shade cactus mechanics like me to sudden death with no reprieve. How futile, how helpless a feeling.

To be continued

And now I must apologize again to all of our blog friends:

Now that we have connectivity again, I have let all the comments through but I have not addressed each of them individually as I usually do, despite my mother teaching me that all correspondence should be promptly replied to. I don't follow that edict out of any social guilt but because I really enjoy showing my appreciation of other people who care enough to share in our travails. I didn't do it this time around and I think this is my very uncomfortable and reluctant confession that I am not feeling so very well at all so please forgive me this time. You likely have no idea how much your comments completely make our day when the sun chooses not to shine out here. Thank you so for taking this trip with us and urging us ever onwards.

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Humor of the Day: (observations that I currently find more accurate than humorous)

- If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

- Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

- Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.

- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

- Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

- A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.

- A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.

- A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

- If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.

- The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.

- Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

- The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

- The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train.

- You will always find something in the last place you look.

- It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.

- After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.

- No matter how long you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

- The other line always moves faster.

- When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

- Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

- Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

- No good deed goes unpunished.

- Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.

- Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.

- Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.