I'll admit it, my muse has left me for the moment. And not in a kindly parting either. She smacked me in the face, packed her stuff and slammed the screen door behind her. Okay, so maybe we don't have the screen door installed yet but you get the idea. I think it was all over Mark coming home VERY sick on Wednesday and showing no improvement since, despite already being on antibiotics! Out here in the middle of nowhere, especially when you have no health insurance, such things can be a worry. Tomorrow, the herbs and medicinals will be dragged out again to be brewed up in hearty measures of teas and soups.
In the meantime, I was at a loss to post what I had in mind so I rummaged through my files for inspiration and came up with these. It's all about advertising and these particularly annoying or confounding ads popped up in New Mexico. Do you ever come across ads which simply hit you the wrong way? And do you ever wonder if they did that on purpose?
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This one REALLY grates on me. Maybe it's the message that this woman equates the ultimate proof of love with what material fluff a man can buy her. Whatever it is, I just want to catch Ms. Bad-smell-under-her-Nose bending over and plant a good and pointy-toed boot in her fanny SOOOO badly. Is it just me here? Too bad the image scan lost some of that irritating, nearly snarling snottiness though. .
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Mark was naturally the one to first point out this very disconcerting mixed message above. Here is a very purpose-built device which could make a fellow squirm on a good day and right there in the middle of the ad is a photo of a very appealing young lady. We just didn't 'get it' so we consulted with our professional cattleman, Slim. "Woooo (wince), well, I sure see where you're coming from on that one (wince), no doubt about it. Well, all's I can figure here is that the company owner has that pretty young daughter there and decided to get the message out real subtle-like, you know, while still taking a write-off as advertising." Hey, he's our expert in cowboy affairs and it sure beat any of our possible explanations..
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50 comments:
Oh my God! That second one is just hillarious! It's like it's a spoof or something. Damn! You've got to wonder what they were thinking in the meeting where they came up with that one.
When I originally surfed through this post, before reading it, ii was thinking you'd done some modeling in yoiur recent past. Thought you were gonna tell us that the first chick was you. I was gonna say "Hubba hubba!"
Yikes!! Mixed-message no kidding, and that come-hither look in the eyes too! No doubt the boyfriends of that one will be way cautious when they come a courting!
I am SO with you on these ads, and many more than a few others, as well. BIG hot button with me, but I'll leave it at that.
And (wince)x2 is an understatement of magnificent proportions, innit? My legs are still crossed... never mind the obvious and inane juxtaposition of image and copy in that one...
I hope your herbs and medicinals work on Mark. Positive energy being directed northwards, as we speak.
FHB, that was certainly our thought on that second one "???!!!"
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, I can see that I'm gonna have to sit you down to tell you all about when NOT to go "Hubba, hubba" but develop the instinct to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!
dirtcrashr, we're thinking the same thing - those young courting buckaroos will be tugging at their collars for air for more than one reason now. Do they feel lucky today?
Buck, it's okay - you're allowed to do a rant here any time off the hot button triggers, you know.
That primary function definitively calls in the secondary 'de-horn' function in a hurry, even before the juxt, doesn't it?
Thanks for sending the positive thoughts and energies, too! I think the big pot is going to turn out an experimental chicken fajita soup this time around. I figure there's no sense in not distractedly enjoying a big dose of medicine if you have that option.
Hell Lin, the chick in the second ad is much more purdy anyway.....
;)
I'm with you, Pat, I think that second one is cuter than a speckled pup. But I'd sure check out Slim's theory first before recommending someone head down there to find her!
Nurs'em kindly and he'll be well soon, but don't "band" him while he's down.
I'll be thinkin' about him over the next few days...let us know.
Mushy, I appreciate you keeping him in your thoughts. And I guarantee you that he appreciates your advice to not do anything with that bander.
I'm confused... I guess its just a better view than what the 'bander' actually does. Twenty eight days to be castrated, man thats gotta be unpleasent.
a pretty face in advertising and the words don't have to mean that much and they can send mixed messages as long as we don't dwell on the messages too long, then it does work for them, and satin the evil one has his way with us, the secret is to take what we want from the messages
I agree on the first point. I always marveled at the women I've worked, who, when they got engaged, would gather to see who got the biggest ring. Like someone dumb enough to fork out two months pay for a stone when they're living in a tiny dark, first floor walk up apartment is going to be the best husband.
The second one. . oh boy. That does get the message across. My Dad put up motion detector spotlights in the driveway when I was 15. 747 landing light wattage. When I stated to date and my date drove me home, and shut the motor off, ON would come the lights, filling the vehicle with blinding light. The date would get the proverbial deer in headlights look and say "see ya. . bye". No wonder I was the only virgin in my graudating class.
Alex, that may seem like a long time but it does give a fella plenty of time to think about where he went wrong. They sell 'em in OZ, too, you know ... perhaps something to bear in mind.
putz, ol' satan and his boys are certainly alive, well and doing a land office business lately. And it seems to be a sellers' market.
brigid, I'm right with you there. That shiny big stone won't help them make the house and car payments later.
Wow, that was a great story about Dad and the landing lights! Surprised he didn't put up an oohgah alert horn as well but it sounds like that really wasn't necessary. Wish more Dads would follow his tactic because it sounds like it worked very well without having to stand out on the porch with a bander all evening.
Okay. The second ad was really dumb. Picture of the cute chick and the ouch-torture-tool have nothing in common, unless like others have said ... it's a warning to all future boyfriends.
But the first ad -- that is the one that really torgues me off big time. Give me a chance to kick her in the butt too, Lin ... maybe we can wipe that "Oh I am so hot I get expensive jewelry" look off her face.
P.S. She doesn't seem all that hot, either. They should have used the girl in the second ad and put her in the first one. It would be more believable.
And the first chick in the second ad ... why, I can picture her using the tool on some guy if the necklace she gets isn't big enough!!!!
The Callicrate Bander.
I gotta get me one of them. Lookit the money I could save on thread when the cats and dogs litter.
Woo-whee, Towanda, let's round up Sally and head into Santa Fe. I bet we could track the snotty one down if we raid enough tony restaurants and jewelry galleries. I'd even go buy some seriously pointy boots just for the occasion! Maybe we can even track down that cute little gal in the second ad to join us; I bet she'd enjoy it, too.
I suspect you're right - that 'old snotty gal' has had plenty of practice in roping, tying, branding and ... you know what.
My eyes are starting to
w a t e r ....
Okay, then, let's sum up this plan. You, me, Sally and the cute girl from the second ad head for Santa Fe. We all wear (or preferably buy) the cutest pointy-toed boots we can. The cute ad girl brings that wicked tool of hers ... and we hunt up Snooty Model. I am not sure she will be that easy to find ... I think she looks like 80% of the women down on the Plaze in Santa Fe ... OR she might be up in Taos, which would complicate our task.
Anyway, when and *IF* we can find her, we will have our opportunity to "educate" her that the size of the baubles you receive from men is not the most important thing in the world. And we will reach her that having a pinched and condescending face like that is really passé.
P.S. Is Mark any better? I am worried that he is still sick....
Gah-snort ... just shows you the power of advertising, doesn't it, David?
Yesh, yesh! Towanda, you have the plan nailed! Now, I was just thinking that we should prolly invite Phlegmmy along, too, since she is the footwear maven and can advise us on the most suitable boots for the mission (plus she kicks butt SOOO well).
Hmmm ... you may be right about finding the tree in the forest on the Plaza. Nah, that's okay, we can boot them all in the butt and do men everywhere a bigger favor. If it takes a few days, let's make it a marguerita and cerveza crawl. That's how the cowboys get fired up to a mission - I learned that from Slim.
I was thinking since the five of us (Phlegmmy included) are on this mission, we may as well try to hunt up Valerie Plame too ... she has a few lessons she could learn from some strong wimmen - and we ain't secret agents.
Oh cool, Towanda - Val's in your neighborhood somewhere, isn't she? You grab Val, I'll pick up Sally and Phlegmmy and then we'll meet at your place and head out. My late uncle would be proud of us! W-A-Y better than a Thelma and Louise outing - we'll actually accomplish something that just finally needed doing! I'd sign up 'lin m' but she has a regular gig to deal with.
No wait ... I wasn't suggesting Val P. join us on the team....but that the team pay Val a visit after we take care of the Snob Model.
On the other hand, maybe Val has skills she could use to help us...
And ... should we get real good at this kind of work, maybe lin m could find something further for us to do. ;)
Towanda ... now I see. I didn't know that much about ol' Val. Does she need a good butt-kicking first? She certainly has the skills if we can turn her around, you know. Sorry ... I was thinking assets rather than attitude there. Feisty old broad mercenaries for hire - I kinda like that idea, you know, like what a great way to get out of the retirement household and see new places, meet new people! Wish Sally would get back from their latest trip so that we could get her going on this idea, too - she's great at logistics and where to stop for munchy snackies.
In only 28-days, eh? Wonder what he did---cross-off the days before the "landing"??? More time on his hands than most breeders!
I've seen veterinarians do 10 bulls in a half-hour before. Of course, that's with a "pinch-gate", a sharp "bull-sized" castrater, and a 5-gallon plastic bucket for the "goodies"! Can't say as I prefer either one for entertainment! 15 seconds on each one---of course, that's NOT counting the time for herdin' that bull in the gate. For SOME reason, they just don't seem to like bein' locked in that thing???
Although I'd much rather work with #2 below, instead of "prissy-bitch" #1...!
Um, I can be there by Thursday.
Bruno, does seem strange for him to be standing around counting the ways and the days, doesn't it?
We've seen those 'pinch gates' go by at farm auctions. The auctioneers always worked a few laughs out of the crowd with those.
Did you ever try those Rocky Mountain Oysters?
Woo-hooo! Phlegmmy, bring the boot catalogs - we will supply the snacks!
(Sharon, that's three down, yesh!!)
Okay, ladies, I think we got ourselves a mission!
Now we need Sally to get back here .. we can't undertake this job without a good source for the munchie snackies.
The Model Snob doesn't know what she is about to experience.
We're on then, lasses!
schtuh (that's roughly that sound you make by clicking your tongue off your palette when exasperated) ... so here we are, waiting on Sally A-G-A-I-N. NOTHING will happen until we get that munchie snacky thing nailed down properly first. sigh
I hope your herbs/tea/soup help Mark get better soon. Keep us posted. What seems to be the culprit? Margie
See what I miss while I'm off having fun?!
If you have room for one more pointy-boot wearing ass-kicker on your team, I'm in!
Margie, he started to look and feel a tad better yesterday but he's still dragging. I don't know if granny's meds helped him but he sure enjoyed that soup immensely so at least he finally ate according to his normal hearty scale. That was promising in itself.
Hey, I was wondering what happened to you - good to see you back!
Yesh, yesh, yesh - now we're REALLY getting the posse going, Christina!
Sharon ... Sharon! Christina kicks SERIOUS butt. There'll be no time for name-taking when she's around.
Rocky Mountain Oysters? Oh yes, indeed! Actually, they are quite tasty---IF you don't think about what they are(or were!) I always put 'em in the same category as 'possum: It tastes good, UNTIL you find out what it REALLY is!
But I never could develop a "following", so to speak, for the "oysters"---they rank right down there with head-cheese, and blood-sausage, for ME!
And you mentioned the "pinch-gates". The vet would put a 4x4 wooden post through the cage, just over the rear haunches of the bull, to hold 'im down. Ya' wouldn't think that 4x4 could BREAK, would you? Well, it will---and DID! Laid the poor ol' vet up for a bit with a broken jaw!
His "new and improved" version used a hunk of four-inch square STEEL tubing. It might BEND, but it shore as hell weren't gonna BREAK---again...!
Bruno, WOW ... the bull broke a 4x4? I'm gonna to keep that mind. The last time I was supposed to keep a grown bull from getting out of the space between the corral and a stock trailer, I just lowered my head and sneered a 'make my day' at him and he backed off. Ignorance on my part obviously helped.
Holy cow! The ladies posse has become a whole platoon ... or regiment! We can kick some serious butt if need be.
Where's Sally?
And we signed up nothin' but the best, Sharon!
The bad news is that I just tracked Red down by cell phone - they are AWOL halfway across the country and not due back until mid-July!! The monsoons have just hit us so we might be penned in by the creek for a while, too!
Oooh did you get that big big storm today?
We had HUGE HAIL and heavy rain.
Now I am seeing more dark clouds and wicked lightning and hearing thunder just north of Santa Fe - and headed this way.
We may have to postpone our pointy-toed mission for the time being.
Okay, so you're getting the start of the monsoons, too, Sharon. Drats, ours skies just knotted up but changed their mind and cleared. We do need the rain and as long as everyone is safe at home in the Rat, I say 'Bring it on!". Just not going to happen today, I guess.
We need to court martial Sally for messing up the mission because this army travels on snackies.
Well, it's possible the 4-by may have been cracked before, as in "ran-over too many times"!
But I never did trust that, OR the steel again, for that matter! Gave me a whole NEW meaning for, "Watch that ASS"...!!!
Boots? I aint got no stinkin COWBOY boots! I got some tourquoise, silver toed girly boots! Jewelery...now I got lotsa that! I admit it... I am a Sparkle Ho... not to mention a Shoe Ho. That makes me a HO HO?.... MMM, Okay...I'm a Chocolate Ho too. Thank goodness Hal can afford me.
At any rate I want to join the posse as I am very interested in the margarita thing....as for the other stuff...after a few Margaritas.....I'm either game for anything or asleep.
I will let you know when I get back to the enchanted land and can participate.... right now we are in an Arkansas " holler" (in the camper) where" it is pouring down the rain"....speaking in the vernacular. Hopefully tomorrow we will be listening
to some fantastic Bluesgrass/Folkmusic. Later in the week we will try out the river in our kayak.
Carry on sisters......Sally
Crap...... I just went back and re read the comments.... I got all sidetracked with boots and margarita stuff...I didn't realize I was supposed to be in charge of SNACKS! I'll work something out.
FYI..... The gal you say is snooty? I think she's sneering ....."He loves me"... "My fanny....he wouldn't even spring for real Indian tourquoise jewelry! "
the second ad....I think her daddy published that one when she turned 16.
Mark....GO -TO-THE-DOCTOR!
Anonymous Sally
HOORAY ... Sally has been heard from.
Chocolate Ho Ho !!! LOL!!!
Sally - get on home ... we miss you!
very nice reading anonymous only because i'm bit lazy now keep on writing and good luck with animals
anon, I fully understand about feeling lazy lately. I am delighted to hear that you have enjoyed the tales so far - it helps my morale immensely!
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