All Farewells Are Tough, No Matter What

A Part of Last week's News:

Virgil announced last week that it would be his last week on his gas well run out here. Although we knew all along that they wouldn't keep a sharp kid out here in the boonies forever, we still felt the ice water pang of regret upon hearing his words. He had been our life-line out here, the likely link that made the difference as to whether we would make it or give up in despair in that first harsh year. So what do you do when faced with an emotional moment like this one? You stalwartly offer to cook bratwurst and barbeque pork, that's what. And so we were able to meet one more time officially and, thoughtfully, he brought along his replacement, Norm for us to meet. Norm was a funny and likeable kid but we knew that he just wasn't going to be any in-kind replacement for Virgil. As we were sitting here last night with Slim, I shuffled my feet restlessly into the sand grit on the floor and said "Ah damn it, Slim, I sure am going to miss that Virgil." He shifted theatrically on the big Chesterfield to herald an important revelation and said "Well, ya know, Lin, I feel that same damn way. In fact, when you guys didn't answer the phone all morning yesterday, I just had to call Virgil and ask if he thought maybe I should wander down there on a rescue mission of some sort. In reality, though, yeah, I just kind of found myself missing that kid, too." There just went our lovable and helpful interface to an industry that we might otherwise come to locking horns with in short order. Beyond that, he proved to be an excellent, faithful friend in his own right.

Slim couldn't make it down here for the lunch send-off but it was still an enjoyable last encounter anyway. Like us, Virgil was kind of dreading some kind of all mushy, sentimental send-off moment so he was quick to say "Now don't think that you are getting rid of me for good, okay? We'll be back out to visit every couple of months or so and we can do some more plinking and hiking and stuff. I am also coming back out soon to help you guys finally get some running water in the rat." That was the salve we needed to stay dignified about this whole farewell occasion. It wasn't that easy for any of us on the last day of Robin's presence in the oil patch since we knew that we would probably never see him again once he headed back to Texas. Today, we had all received that stay of emotional execution and were incredibly grateful.

Today's News:

Mark is on an impromptu trip into town. Brou got seriously sliced up while rough-housing with Slim's three dogs last night. It wasn't until later that I discovered the reason for his cowering demeanor when he came back inside. He yelped and nipped at me as I tried to give him a belly scratch. I found a 4 to 5 inch rip in the skin on his groin near his right leg and it went down to the muscle casing. It's likely that he crashed into the discarded metal siding pile as they flew around the yard. Fortunately, it was a relatively bloodless trauma or I would have heaved immediately. He remained deadly quiet through the night, refusing to eat or drink and, this morning, we decided that we couldn't take a chance on such a large wound out here in Septic City. So off to the vets he went.

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Humor of the day (appropriately, from Virgils' Mom)

A New Element is Discovered:

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.