First photo: The infamous moving trailer, 45' of past life memories. But we made new progress this week after a year's hiatus. What had stopped us from probing further was a harmless looking butcher block table. Back when, BamBam the pricey professional mover and his crew had managed to break not just one of its legs out but one entire corner off the block itself. Since it would no longer stand up on its own, they inverted it and placed it on top of a very long Eastlake dresser. Why that dresser didn't develop a swayback touching the floor defies physics. When we tried to move it last Spring, all that gave was my knee. I heard a sickening "s-h-r-i-c-c-c!!!" followed by seeing a nice field of yellow stars on gray which always tells me that something is going to hurt for a l-o-n-g, l-o-n-g time. I moaned and gimped around in a drugstore brace through that following winter. And that behemoth block table stayed right where it was, blocking any further unloading of our belongings entrapped beyond.
But enough was enough and it was time to start unloading furniture and boxes again. The lift gate batteries had died in the interim so Mark fired up the skid steer and ever-so-slowly lifted the tail gate into a lockable position level with the trailer floor. Then he dragged over a set of stairs which had been offering ascension to nowhere in particular back in the sage.
It had been a while since I had been inside the trailer. Previous visits only reminded me that so much of our past life was held hostage by that table and I would retreat into a bottomless funk. Today would be different - we now had a powerful ally in Mr. John Deere. I was able to tighten up the through bolts in the block enough to keep it together for the move, cinched the brace around my knee and we attacked. The monster fought back as viciously as it had the year before and we fell back. Before long, we had devised a ramp of book boxes to slide the block down into a waiting two wheeled dolly and Mark carefully trundled it out to the deck. Now came the real beauty of the plan; Mark relocated one of the fork lift arms (photo 2) until both would fit between the legs of the butcher block. Why relocate only one fork? Because it is a BEAR to reposition any of them on a good day! Everything worked as planned for a change and soon the block was gently placed down on the front porch.
I only wish the skid steer could have put the butcher block right into its place in the kitchen. It would be a while before we came up with some arrangement which wouldn't destroy what was left of my back or knee. I finally settled on wrapping old tie-down straps around the block and my upper arms and we gave it a try. Ohmigawd! I have never been on such a long walk in such a short space in my life! The straps burned furrows into my arms and I felt as though my heels were embedding themselves in the floor under the dead weight (strike up the Volga Boatman dirge here). There was a lot of "Oh ---!, put it down, put it down, put it down!!!", desperate panting, and a lot of "Okay, let's try it again." That eternal trudge was only up two short steps and about 25 feet across the Rat but it had felt like a forced march through Death Valley and back. Remind me to NEVER, EVER buy something that heavy again, okay? Ahhh ... but it sure looked great (photo 3), imposing itself back into our domestic life as it had so seemingly long ago. We will also sleep more confidently through the winter gales knowing that the butcher block is now pinning the Rat tenaciously to this planet Earth.
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More Important Rules of Life (from sis Ann)
I have tested each one of these personally (except that alibi thing - I don't believe in CYA lies) and found them all completely valid.
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law
If you change lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Wilson 's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
22 comments:
Yes moving things is a pain recently had to move the photo copier and all the filing cabinets up a flight of stairs into the new office, none of which look as nice as that table though.
yes I would agree with ALL of those!
PopeT, I could probably handle the photocopier single-handedly if it weren't for the stairs but my utmost sympathies are certainly with you on those filing cabinets. Been there, that is BRUTAL!
Simon, anthropologists found the Inuit sense of humor strange in that their biggest yucks came from stories involving everyday survival. I suspect that we all share that 'been there and survived it to bring home the t-shirt' sense of humor. I certainly got a deeply satisfying laugh out of those rules, too.
What a hunk of wood! My gosh, I can't believe you moved that!
Hey I have all my stuff stored in a trailer, too! Ok, it's in the back yard. I lied.
I wish I had one of those John Deere lifty thingies. The offspring could lift me IN my Hoveround and I'd never had to exercise my legs again. Weeeee!
BamBam broke off a leg? Lin, I'd (threaten to) break off one of his in return ... just kiddin'
You might remember a post some months ago on my blog about how professional movers in the UK dropped and smashed a grand piano being delivered to a concert ....
Mushy, I can't believe it either - that thing had to weigh every bit of 400 pounds. I look down at my ankles this morning and noticed all these big blue blown veins - just great, I think I finally exceeded my own personal G.V.W.
Mark is one hurtin' puppy today though since he moved a LOT of heavy stuff by himself.
Goddess, oh yeah ... you could get REAL spoiled with one of those big toys around. I was so beat that I was tempted to say "Mark, just fire that thing up and fork me over to the porch, will you?" Better still, guys just love any excuse to hear that diesel snort. Gotta admit, it is kind of exhilarating.
David, we are on the same wavelength on mover revenge. But it's a twist on that quip about walking a mile in someone's shoes; that they will be a mile away when they realize that you have stolen their shoes. They knew that we would be a gazillion miles away when we discovered their hidden misdeeds. Come to think of it, 95% of the people we dealt with on the way out took advantage of that situation. God bless the remaining 5%.
Yes, I remember that horrifying post! I suppose the only good thing about smashing a baby grand would be that the remaining pieces would be SO much easier to deal with, even though the soundboard could still anchor the QE2.
Goddess - a P.S. I have been very careful with my photos NOT to show the STUFF which is in the yard. Then again, in NM, you might be considered a little 'off' if you don't have every appliance, hunka junk and vehicle you ever owned sitting out there so I have to learn to relax a little and enjoy our exterior holdings.
You must be getting old. Tired after moving that l'il hunk o wood. Why did't yo lie it down and slide the thing with a rug or towel underneath it? HAH HAH HAH
Ah, Moose, ya know it! Twenty years ago, I probably could have trotted the thing up the stairs by myself and still been able to do a couple of cartwheels and a jog after. Gahhh!
That block of wood is a very handsome piece of furniture. If you'll deliver it, I'll buy it. P.S., I do NOT pay for moving costs.
Somewhat seriously, I tried to wear a leg and hip support brace once, when I came down with spinal stenosis (sp?). First effort, lasting at least 20 minutes, convinced me I'd rather take the pain. so I popped a couple of drugs doc had given me and suffered. Figured it was easier on my body.
I'd like to know how you were aware of those rules which applied mainly to me?
Cat, if I wasn't fond of you, I would leave that beastly block to you in my will. That way, I would not be the one to ever have to move that thing again. Actually, I am surprised that moving it didn't bring on an unexpected estate settlement for one or both of us.
yeowch - I could just imagine the pain of your knee. Congrats for getting back on the horse and tackling that butcher block - it DOES look fabulous!
Mind you, Phlegmmy, I did take a very long whine break before trying again. I finally couldn't handle having all our favorite furniture still blocked up in the moving trailer any longer. Now it's like Christmas every day with all the cool stuff we are rediscovering.
Lin
Putting your blog on my favourites for later addition to my blogroll.
That law of Mechanical Repair applies to wearing a Full Face helmet as well... one's nose always starts itching once you have cinched up the chinstrap... and donned your fleece lined gloves, making it impossible to relieve the itch. :-)
RobC, so glad you came by! I am amazed that you need fleece-lined gloves in SA! The Law of Mechanics applies even for unlined gloves. What you need to do is find a suitable tank bag for your bike. Then you put a fairly clean old toothbrush in the easily accessible map compartment. Once you have done that, you will never need to reach in for the brush to scratch a nose itch ever again (it's that Law thing at work). Helmet head itch is QUITE another thing unless you can find one of those very flexible back scratchers! DAMHIK
Lin, 7 degrees celcius is bitterly cold at 120 Kph. Trust me you need fleece lined gloves in our winters. :-)
I will remember the tootbrush trick next time i get on the bike. thanks.
Oh and head itch is relieved by wearing the hair (what is still left) short... jarhead short. :-)
Hey RobC, you're right - I forgot about the chill factor at speed. Can't say I look back on hypothermia with fond recollection either.
I can see where the jarhead cut would definitely help with helmet head itch. When I did most of my riding, my hair was down to my waist and I had to stuff it all up into the helmet to keep it from knotting up. I probably wouldn't have looked so good in a flat top so I put up with that misery. It sure felt like the rider's equivalent of fat lady in a girdle though.
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